Is My Life Worth Living?

Have you ever felt like everything has been taken away from you? Have you ever felt that everyone has turned against you? Have you ever felt that you’ve been left alone in this world? Have you ever felt that even with a lot of effort, you never succeeded? Have you ever felt that your life was not worth living? It is undeniable that we have felt this way at some point of our lives. I, myself have felt this way numerous times in my life. I kept on asking myself when I was in the beginning of my teenage years, is my life worth living?

First, in my elementary school years, I sometimes feel happy as if I had everything, but then sometimes I felt that I lost everything. I seem to forget what kind of person I was at that time, but I was most of the time bullied and I was on my own. I had a best friend, but she sort of left me for another friend. It was really painful to be honest with, I felt really lonely afterwards. I wandered around in school alone; I guess I was a total loser at that time. I asked my parents to transfer me to another school after graduating from elementary school, hoping that I could make a change. My parents granted my wish and transferred me to another school, which is my current school. At first, I thought it was a total mess. I thought that it made no difference. But then I realized in my current school, I was the horrible one who caused people to hate me, so I changed. I don’t know what my friends think of me now, but I think I was a much better person than when I was in 7^th grade. I can see that some people still don’t accept me, but at least now there are people who like me, as in; my personality. In 8^th grade I was a total pain in the ass, as I recounted my days at that time. I guess EVERYONE gave up on facing me! I was horrible! Dear readers, if you were there at that time, you would have hated me too. I don’t even know why I was like that, but I guess it was because of something that I held back when I was in elementary school. I guess I was hated in elementary school because of that.

Second, it’s about my love life. It stinks, a lot actually. I had a crush on someone when I was in 7^th grade and it was a total disaster. He was in a different school and one of my schoolmates turned out to be his kindergarten schoolmate. I told my schoolmate that I liked that guy and not long after that I had a fight with that friend and my secret got spilled out. I have never heard of that guy ever again, till now. I was a total weirdo when I was in grade 7 dude, I’m sorry for messing you up. I had a crush on another boy when I was in 9^th grade, and he was someone who was 1 year older than me. He goes to the same school as I do, but he’s in the international unit and meanwhile I was in the national plus unit. The way we got to know each other was weird though, we got to know each other via twitter, through direct messages. I knew about this boy because one of my friends in 8^th grade at that time had a crush on him, and… before you know it, I had a crush on him too. He was the first boy who I had a crush on that likes me back, so we sort of got really close, but then after he graduated we drifted far away, and we don’t see each other since he now studies in a different country, or even message each other anymore. I couldn’t get over him till the end of grade 10. He was the first person that I couldn’t get over for nearly 2 years.  Since that, I was too afraid to fall for somebody. But because the heart wants what it wants, I fell for someone, someone I can never have. (That someone is Ed Sheeran, just kidding.)But to be honest, the more that I look at him, those feelings just get stronger, and by the way, I’m not even close to that person. I hope that I get over it soon.

Third, it’s about my studies. I was a really smart student when I was in elementary school. I remembered that my parents were really happy when I got a gold medal for English language because I got the highest score during finals. That happened in 2^nd grade. I still got silver medals for Mathematics and Science since I was the most improved one, but in 4^th grade it was a total downhill for me. My grades dropped drastically, and it became worse when I was in 5^th grade. Thank God my grades started going up again in 6^th grade. I experienced the downhill on my grades again when I was in grade 8. It improved again when I was in grade 9 and it kept going up till the end of grade 10. Since this year, I felt that my grades are dropping again, because the exams were really hard, even though I studied till very late at night.

Sometimes when I think of these three things, I feel like my life is only made up of so many mistakes that I can’t even remember anything I did right. Maybe I have never done right once in my entire lifetime.

Or maybe it’s just me, having a twisted view about everything, never being grateful for the good things that happen because I was too focused on the bad things that happened to me. Let’s try looking at my problems in a positive view;

If I did not actually encounter those hardships in my life, I don’t think I would be the person that I am now. I became stronger because of the pain I suffered; I was given the opportunity to change and become a better person than I was before. I felt that karma was not a bitch, other a teacher to me. Without karma, I would not be able to feel what it feels like to be bullied by other people, and think twice before bullying someone. I know it is different from what people say about karma, but having a different point of view is not wrong right? This leads me to my next point, about accepting differences. I might have heard that some of my peers dislike me because I have a difference in acting and thinking. Well, I might have some mental abnormalities, I think of the most random things, and I realize it. But is that something that’s bad? I can’t change that because I was born that way. I might be able to change myself in terms of attitude and personality, but I can’t change brains. I know there is something wrong in how I think, but I still try to make the best of it. Because of my slight abnormality, I was able to accept people who have the similar problems as I do.

I live in Indonesia, but I am considered a double minority because my race is Chinese and my religion is Catholic. Because of being in the minority side, I was able to accept every other race and religion and in my country and I learned to treat them equally. The second reason is; if you were the one who ran the country, would you want your citizens to discriminate one another and be racist towards each other? I don’t think anyone wants that. If racism and discrimination didn’t happen, our world would never have war, I guess.

Well, about my love life, I pretty much can’t do anything about it because I am still very young. I make mistakes. I fall in “love”. Why the quotation marks? Because love is not a real thing according to me, for now (I’m still 16, duh.). I’ll just let everything flow for now. I guess I will find the real love when the time comes for me. I’m not going to look for it, but I’ll just let it find me, for the case of relationships. Currently the real love only consists within my family and those who are the closest to me, those who were there for me in my hardships, and those who just accept me for being me. Thank you so much… Even though I feel like I sometimes took you for granted.

In terms of education, to be honest, I sometimes thought that I wanted to give up on school, but when I think again, I was fortunate enough to have parents who could send me to any kind of school that I want. I thought of the children who wanted to go to school but couldn’t because their parents did not have the money to do so. Don’t give up on school and just don’t. Opportunities to achieve your dreams only come once in your life. Don’t waste it. Just don’t.

If people say “forget your past”, don’t listen to them. Even though it will sometimes haunt us, it made us learn a good lesson which because of your past, you made an opportunity from it to become a greater person.

Now if I ask myself again; “Is my life worth living?” I’ll say yes.

2015 was a great year for me. I hope you feel the same way as I did.

Thank you for everything that happened in 2015, I hope 2016 will be another great year!

Goodbye 2015, hello 2016!

Lots of love, 

 Felicia Herman

Bluechair!

A few weeks ago before my finals, I was stressed out and I wanted to read something funny. Since I'm a big fan of Webtoons, I began searching for other webtoons to read because I got struck by lighting(literally) and I addiction to webtoons increased drastically. Here are the webtoons that I currently read:

In English:

In Indonesian:

By just looking at the webtoons I read, you will possibly know what kind of person I am. But this time, I am only going to talk about one of my favourite webtoons, which is....

BLUECHAIR!!!

It's genre is slice of life, that is. The reason why I love this Webtoon is that it relates so much to my life, and Shen the creator...is damn cute. HEHEHE. 

If you don't believe me, here's a picture of him:

SEE WHAT I TOLD YOU.

Besides Bluechair, Shen is also the cartoonist behind Owl Turd Comix in tumblr. 

I have only started reading it a few weeks ago. I read more than 50 episodes in a day... without even realizing it. I only read until about #150 ish then I stopped because of my final exams. When the holidays came, I got to finish it and I even re-read the episodes.(Because it's just too addicting, that's why!) 

The reason I wrote a review about this webtoon it's because it's worth reading! I'm serious... you won't regret it I'm sure. 

I'm going to end this post with Shen.

HEHEHE. 

Love you Shen.

Shen's pictures were taken from:
http://www.webtoons.com/en/slice-of-life/bluechair/ep-100-100/viewer?title_no=199&episode_no=122

Owl Turd Comix: owlturd.com

I Translate Web-Toons!

Hello! I recently tried something new, that is, translating Web-Toons! Currently I'm currently only able to translate Web toons from English to Indonesian because of the lack of Indonesian Webtoons that I can translate to English.

Here's the link to my Web-Toon translate profile: http://translate.webtoons.com/profile/stillfighting4life

I worked with other translators to translate these and it was lots of fun! And registering is easy, you just have to sign in with your LINE account and you can start translating! This feature can only be used in the desktop version of Web-Toon. Good Luck! 

I MADE A POEM!!!!

After a long, stressful and exhausting 2 weeks of final exams, I finally get to post something that's utterly crappy and unimportant. I MADE A POEM! I felt that this was a life achievement because I only made it in a few hours.. HAHAHA

I'm still not done with finals, the reason why I made a poem is because my Indonesian language teacher asked us in accordance with Indonesian Language's practical exam. Great. I still have an additional mathematics exam on monday and a couple of remedials but then.... before my post becomes irrelevant to the title, let me show you my poem.

Here's what's written:

Pada malam yang membawa kantuk
Terlihat indahnya luar angkasa
Dari kejauhan bumi ini.
Bintang terbentang di langit
Membentuk rasi bintang yang banyak
Bila engkau merasa terpuruk
Janganlah engkau putus asa
Dari keterpurukan ini
Engkau pasti akan bangkit
Dan menjadi orang yang lebih baik

This poem is called Pantun Talibun in Indonesia because it has 10 lines and the pattern of the rhyme is repeated (k-a-i-t-k-k-a-i-t-k). I sound pretty much like I'm teaching. There are 3 types of this Talibun poem. There's the 6 lined, 8 lined, and 10 lined Talibun poem.

I have to actually read and explain thia poem tomorrow. I hope my teacher won't kill me... wish me luck.. please.

This post is solely based on the writer's stress. I hope you don't mind. Don't judge me.

Happy Teachers Day!

Specifically, today is Teacher’s Day in Indonesia. First of all, I would like to apologize to my teachers that our student council did not celebrate Teacher’s Day today. To be honest, even though we, students sometimes become stressed out and angry because of you, we still love you with all our heart and we owe you a lot. Without you, we wouldn’t have any knowledge and we would not be able to achieve our dreams. 

Now I would like to make a personal but public description of some of my teachers in school. I’m sorry for any inconveniences I caused you by describing you on the Internet.

1.   Mr Jani
Mr Jani is my homeroom teacher. He’s the teacher of one of my favourite subjects, which is Biology. Mr Jani has taught me since I was still in grade 7. I have always loved his way of teaching, since he makes Biology so interesting, even though I was not interested in Biology before. Because of him, I now have dreams to become a doctor. Thank you so much Mr. Jani!

2.   Ms Budi
Ms Budi used to be my homeroom teacher when I was in grade 10. Ms. Budi teaches Indonesian Language, which is my mother language. She is really deep into Indonesian Language, but I guess that’s what she does best. I admire her for being able to explain every detail of what we study really clearly. She’s one of the people who kept our language alive. Thank you Ms. Budi!

3.   Ms Heny/ 老师 Heny
As you can see from the Chinese characters, you can tell really well that she is a Chinese Language teacher. She is a very patient teacher, and she teaches us with a lot of links to real life experiences, and she likes to make fun of us. She’s someone who I think is really open to every student. She shows her motherly side when she nurses her 2 daughters. Her daughters are really cute and pretty. I personally love Chinese Language and I thank Lao Shi Heny that she never makes me stop loving it. :)

4.   Mr. Untung
Mr. Untung is my Physics and Mechanics teacher. I can say that he’s one of my favourite teachers. Mr. Untung is like a father to me in school. I share plenty of my personal thoughts with him. He’s the teacher that I ask advice to when I have troubles with writing. He’s really patient with me and my friends in class. He teaches us patiently, even though we don’t understand plenty of questions from the exercises that he made for us. Thank you for making Physics a more enjoyable subject that it should be!

5.   Mr. Putu
Mr. Putu is a really unique teacher, because he is full of surprises. He’s serious in class sometimes, but when he knows we get sleepy he jokes around. He’s really funny, but he’s mysterious too. Students don’t know much about his life. He doesn’t show to other people that he cares for many things, but then I know that he cares a lot for us. He is our Chemistry teacher. He makes really difficult test questions. Students in my school, including myself, find it hard to pass. So far, I have only passed 1 of many of his quizzes and exams. We students still love him because he makes us more mature and disciplined. Thank you Mr Putu!

6.   Ms Fifi
Ms Fifi is one of the most disciplined teachers that I know. She is my Mathematics teacher for the National curriculum. Mathematics is one of my favourite subjects. (I know you will think that I’m weird, but it’s true.) Ms Fifi’s way of teaching makes me really love her classes. Ms Fifi is the fastest teacher to mark question papers. When I was in grade 10, she could finish marking our tests in only a few hours. She usually gives our test papers on the same day till 2 days after the test happens. Thank you so much Ms Fifi!

7.   Mr Hermanus
Mr Hermanus is my English Language teacher. He’s Indonesian, but because of his awesome knowledge for English and his accent, people might not think that he’s Indonesian when they only hear him speak. The funny thing about Mr Hermanus is that he sounds better speaking in English than in Indonesian, but I still admire him for being really good in English. He is the Vice Principal of Student Affairs, whose job is to keep the students disciplined and under control. He is disciplined and strict, but out of the school hours he is a great person to talk to. Thank you for keeping English Language an interesting subject for us!

8.    Mr Julius
Mr Julius used to be my homeroom teacher along with Ms Budi and is our Civics Education teacher. Personally, I think Mr Julius is one of the most patient teachers because he still remains calm even though sometimes he is attacked with my friend’s opinions. I really like to ask Mr Julius questions related to the government and sometimes I debate my own opinions with him. Thank you Mr Julius for keeping Civics Education interesting!

9.   Mr Stevanus
Mr Stevanus is our Mathematics teacher for our International Curriculum. Being one of the youngest teachers, he’s really close with a lot of students in my school. He’s teachings are easy to understand, but his tests are really brain-tiring. Once he made us calculate something which took a really long time but it turned out that the answer was 1 or 0. At that time my brain was about to explode. But thank you for making our lazy brains work!

10.   Mr Will
Mr Will is our English Literature teacher. He made me realize that English Literature is a really deep subject. In class, he is usually interactive when he teaches. He likes to give us either short stories or songs to analyse, as assignments. I had plenty of difficulties because I’m not used to it before, but then after every assignment, it gets more and more interesting. I used to dislike English Literature but now I’m starting to like it. Thank you Mr Will!

11.   Ms Calista
Ms Calista is our Music teacher. She used to be one of us, a student of this school that I am in now. She is the youngest teacher in my school. We used to call her “cici” or “kakak” but now we call her Ms! It feels weird at first for us and for her too, but then she said that she got used to it. She’s really friendly and because our age difference is not that much, it makes her more comfortable to teach I guess. Thank you Ms Calista for teaching us the theories of music!

12.   Mr Januar
Mr Januar is our Religion teacher and our counsellor. He is a really patient teacher and a really nice teacher too! He introduced me and some of my friends to this leadership programme held by the Diocese of Jakarta. I have earned a lot of experiences from there thanks to him. Thank you very much Mr Januar! 

13.    Mr Poltak
Mr Poltak is our IT and our PE teacher. He has taught me since I was in 7th grade, when I suck at using computers. I thank him for his patience, because of his patience I slowly but surely improved. He's really good with computers and he has an incredibly fit body too. He still looks younger than he should look actually. I wish I could be as fit as him. Hahaha

I apologize to the teachers who were not included in this post, but then Happy Teachers Day! I hope your service for our nation will forever be appreciated! :)

Sorry for my usage for exclamation marks :p

STORM!

The whole of last week (9th-14th of November) in my school was meant for this event called STORM - Saint Peter's Sports and Arts Competition. This event is an annual held by senior high school students in my school. I've been selected to be one of the committees for 2 years in a row. Last year was not much work for me since my seniors were the ones who were more dominant. This year was a lot of work for me since I was selected to be in the funding section, whose job is to search for sponsors to support for our event. 

This year we are successful in every section though, the number of competition participants have reached their the maximum quota. We got to pay for Indonesian celebrities who are quite famous too, take a look at the poster:

I heard from my teachers that we've set plenty of good records this year. First, the school's futsal team got to win a trophy for the first time in STORM after 9-10 times STORM was held. It was a great accomplishment for them. Congratulations guys! Here's my school's futsal team with them holding the STORM poster: 

We have Basketball teams too. Even though they did not win, they did their best during the competition. I don't have their photos, but I wish them all the best for their future competitions.

The event's competitions consists of 2 sports competitions and 3 art competitions, they are:

 Sports:

1. Basketball

2. Futsal

Arts:

1. Mural

2. Band

3. Modern Dance

Here's the poster:

On the last day, which is the 14th of November, finals for the basketball and futsal competitions took place. My school won 3rd place. My principal said that it was the first after the whole of 10 times STORM was held. I felt that a lot of miracles and accomplishments have been made by us, senior high school students of Saint Peter's school. I'm sure my schoolmates and teachers are proud too. On the closing night, since I joined Modern Dance as my CCA, my friends and I performed a mashup of 4 songs; Salute, Beyoncé, Run the World and Black Widow. Even though I only got to dance for Black Widow, it was still an amazing experience. I admire my friends who danced through all the four songs, they're really good at dancing. Here's a photo of us:

To be honest, I feel that our faces look really scary and so unfamiliar. Here's the dance video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj3abub47hY

There was a band performance before our modern dance performance, but I don't have the photo since the photographer was really selfish. 

Here's a photo during the award presentation:

  

Here's a photo of one of the Guest Stars:

Last but not the least, I would like to thank every committee and other people who helped and supported this event. It was a great experience working with all of you, I hope we can make a better STORM next year! 

STORM commitees of 2015

The Fund Section Committee of STORM

I'll post some photos that show us preparing for the first day!

Special Thanks to:

Some of the photos:

- Benny Victor

- Velinca Trisha

- Teresa Janet

Posters: 

- Christophorus Dean

- Anastasia Lastri 

- Grace Susilo

- Rafael Jahja

 and the rest of the publication section committees.